The Grapevine

Clusters of thoughts ... best consumed one at a time.

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Wife: There are a lot of desperate men in this grocery store.
Me: Yeah, they’re hitting on me too.

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I don’t want to say the customer service in this store is bad, but I’m getting less attention than a white crayon.

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I knew I didn’t get the job when he said, “I’m sorry, we can’t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.

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Customer buying cigarettes: I need to quit cold turkey.
Me: I don’t think cold turkey is your problem. You should quit hot cigarettes.

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By the time my dad was my age he had amassed maybe 25 coffee cans full of nails and screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?